Of all the things I am, of all the mistakes I've made, the only one that haunts me is getting fat. It stares at me every day in the mirror and peeks up at me from the tag of my pants. Parts of me jiggle that never used to, part of me sweat that shouldn't. My husband loves me for me and he encourages me to do whatever is healthy, but he never fat shames me. I'm short, I have huge boobs and I now weigh just over 200 pounds.
I've always been asthmatic. I have a crazy amount of resentment towards my parents for it. They smoked around me, and when I say smoked... I mean chain-smoked. The walls of our home literally had tar trails dripping from them. I stunk of stale smoke and I lived in the ER. I have a burial plot paid for, because rather than smoke outside, they just bought the space in my Mom's family's area of the County cemetery and kept puffing. The Doctor's didn't expect me to survive childhood.
I accepted breathing problems as just par for the course. I pushed myself to the breaking point to keep up with my really active friends in high school. I brushed off the constant trips to the ER and learned to hide my symptoms. I put up a tough-girl facade and just dealt with it. Then I moved to Savannah, Georgia after school. After about a month, my best friend commented that she hadn't seen my inhaler since we had moved down there together. It hit me. I was running. I was breathing. I. Was. Breathing. It was bliss. Long story short. I met and married my husband and after 4 years of respiratory bliss, moved back to the Asthma trap, otherwise known as the Miami Valley.
So here I am. I'm swiftly approaching my 29th birthday, I have a five year old son and my ninth wedding anniversary is coming up. Plus... I'm fat. To make matters worse, I'm a fat vegetarian. I eat well, I watch my portions and I hardly ever snack. I do, however, take a crap-ton of steroids and live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. Steroids and couch-cruising do not a skinny person make.
Everyone has an "A-ha!" moment. Something that makes them change things. Mine was strange. I took my dogs to the vet and found out my seven year old Border Collie mix is 15 pounds overweight and is getting arthritis. I can totally let myself go, but not my dogs. So I researched and downloaded a couch to 5K app on my smartphone and I just completed workout number two.
I've already learned some lessons from this. Lesson one: I am NOT a runner. Not really a lesson, I knew this. Lesson two: Neither is my fattie dog. Lesson three: It hurts more getting going than it does to just do it. This one probably requires some explanation.
When I left this evening, my ankles and shins were killing me. They were burning and throbbing. I spent the first 3/4 of a mile talking myself into NOT turning around and going home. It seriously was agony. I made the decision with the pain in my shins to not actually do the running part of the program today. I power walked the whole thing. I didn't slow down, I kept a brisk pace and then I got lost. Seriously. I don't wear my glasses running and I spent so much time arguing with myself over my shins, that I got lost. By the time I remembered I have Nav on my phone (which I actually use all the time for driving) the workout was pretty much done and I realized that the burning in my shins was gone. My muscles felt great and I was pretty happy. Gizmo, however, not so much. She was so done.
So, I guess, my advice for myself in the future, or anyone else out there NOT wanting to do their workouts today is to just work through the burn. It will go away and you'll feel great. My first 5K is in October. I'm hoping I have the tenacity to stick through this, because I really want to.
I've always been asthmatic. I have a crazy amount of resentment towards my parents for it. They smoked around me, and when I say smoked... I mean chain-smoked. The walls of our home literally had tar trails dripping from them. I stunk of stale smoke and I lived in the ER. I have a burial plot paid for, because rather than smoke outside, they just bought the space in my Mom's family's area of the County cemetery and kept puffing. The Doctor's didn't expect me to survive childhood.
I accepted breathing problems as just par for the course. I pushed myself to the breaking point to keep up with my really active friends in high school. I brushed off the constant trips to the ER and learned to hide my symptoms. I put up a tough-girl facade and just dealt with it. Then I moved to Savannah, Georgia after school. After about a month, my best friend commented that she hadn't seen my inhaler since we had moved down there together. It hit me. I was running. I was breathing. I. Was. Breathing. It was bliss. Long story short. I met and married my husband and after 4 years of respiratory bliss, moved back to the Asthma trap, otherwise known as the Miami Valley.
So here I am. I'm swiftly approaching my 29th birthday, I have a five year old son and my ninth wedding anniversary is coming up. Plus... I'm fat. To make matters worse, I'm a fat vegetarian. I eat well, I watch my portions and I hardly ever snack. I do, however, take a crap-ton of steroids and live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. Steroids and couch-cruising do not a skinny person make.
Everyone has an "A-ha!" moment. Something that makes them change things. Mine was strange. I took my dogs to the vet and found out my seven year old Border Collie mix is 15 pounds overweight and is getting arthritis. I can totally let myself go, but not my dogs. So I researched and downloaded a couch to 5K app on my smartphone and I just completed workout number two.
I've already learned some lessons from this. Lesson one: I am NOT a runner. Not really a lesson, I knew this. Lesson two: Neither is my fattie dog. Lesson three: It hurts more getting going than it does to just do it. This one probably requires some explanation.
When I left this evening, my ankles and shins were killing me. They were burning and throbbing. I spent the first 3/4 of a mile talking myself into NOT turning around and going home. It seriously was agony. I made the decision with the pain in my shins to not actually do the running part of the program today. I power walked the whole thing. I didn't slow down, I kept a brisk pace and then I got lost. Seriously. I don't wear my glasses running and I spent so much time arguing with myself over my shins, that I got lost. By the time I remembered I have Nav on my phone (which I actually use all the time for driving) the workout was pretty much done and I realized that the burning in my shins was gone. My muscles felt great and I was pretty happy. Gizmo, however, not so much. She was so done.
So, I guess, my advice for myself in the future, or anyone else out there NOT wanting to do their workouts today is to just work through the burn. It will go away and you'll feel great. My first 5K is in October. I'm hoping I have the tenacity to stick through this, because I really want to.
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